I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
