pedialite and red bull = repair kit
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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