Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
