What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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