Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
