one might say we're banned from that church
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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