my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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