i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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