did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
