i already hear my dad disowning me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
