the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
