wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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