Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
