I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
