I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
