the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I will pee on everything he values.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
