You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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