I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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