Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
