and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
