Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Enjoy the penises
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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