I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
