If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
