Your favorite bartender is back from prision
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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