How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
