It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
