the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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