I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
