Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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