Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
