Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
