This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
