Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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