Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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