you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
