i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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