thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
