two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize