big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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