New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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