sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
