it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
