We're like a lot better than the average bears
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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