So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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