umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
do nipples grow back?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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