Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
