The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize