I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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