please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
