im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
