theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
