Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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