i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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