tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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