i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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