If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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