Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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