Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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