Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
