i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
