also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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