she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
