Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sober January is a disaster.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
