five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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