you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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