capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
