Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
