I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
