I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?