textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest