But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool