Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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