The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
