Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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